Brandy: “What was that noise?”

Chip: “It’s just PRUE* making her ‘infuriated’ sound.”

Aussie: “Did someone say ‘fur?'”

Chip: “Not the same thing.”

Aussie: “What happened? Who screwed up? Was it me?”

Brandy/Chip: “It was me.”

Brandy: “I peed on the carpet by the dining room table.”

Chip: “I thought that meant I could go, too, so I peed by the TV.”

Brandy: “Oh, so it’s my fault you peed next to the TV?!”

Chip: “Just sayin’.”

Aussie: “Look, her face is turning red and, wow, that’s a lot of paper towels there.”

Prue: “What in the world do you think it means when I put on your collar and leash and take you outside in the dark in my bare feet and nightgown at 11:30 at night? It means TAKE CARE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

Brandy: “What’s she saying?”

Prue: “And then, what does Aussie do, first thing this morning? I take her outside and she does nothing, zero, zip, nada. Just sniffing and taking a sightseeing tour of the same spots she sees four times every fricking day of her life.”

Aussie: “I heard my name. I thought she was mad at you two.”

Brandy: “What’s ‘fricking?’ Uh oh. She’s getting more paper towels.”

Chip: “Here comes the lecture.”

Prue: “And now here I am trying to work and you all are looking at me like ‘I need to go out. When are we going out? Why can’t we go out?'”

Brandy: “Her voice changed on that last part.”

Chip: “That’s supposed to be us talking.”

Aussie. “Weird. I don’t remember saying anything.”

Prue: “I have zero sympathy for anyone too stupid to empty his bladder and bowels when he KNOWS that is specifically why he is being taken outside!”

Aussie: “We’re girls. She’s talking about you.”

Chip: “You wish. ‘He’ means all of us.”

Brandy: “That’s sexist.”

Aussie: “What does it mean when she puts her hands on her hips and her glasses slip down her nose?”

Prue: “You know what? You three can just deal with it. Clench those sphincters like we higher mammals have to and DEAL WITH IT!”

Aussie/Brandy/Chip: “What’s a sphincter?”

Prue: “Don’t you sass me!”

Chip: “She’s really ticked off.”

Brandy: “Is that like ‘cheesed off?’ Our people say ‘cheesed off.'”

Aussie/Chip: “Cheese? Where?”

Prue: “You think you call the shots around here? I don’t think so. You can’t just do your business whenever you are in the mood. It’s not like I’m here to be at your beck and call.”

Chip: “Silly woman.”

Long silence. Paper towels. Spray bottle. Trash can. Paper towels. Trash can.

Prue: “Move.”

Prue: “No.”

Prue. “Leave.”

Chip: “Uh oh. We’ve moved on to the seething one-syllable replies.”

Aussie: “What’s a syllable?”

Chip: “Now comes the silent treatment. Girls, it’s time to cue the adoring looks, and, go!”

Prue: “Aww hell. Where are my shoes?”

*Person Responsible for Ultimately Everything