Brandy: “What was that noise?”
Chip: “It’s just PRUE* making her ‘infuriated’ sound.”
Aussie: “Did someone say ‘fur?'”
Chip: “Not the same thing.”
Aussie: “What happened? Who screwed up? Was it me?”
Brandy/Chip: “It was me.”
Brandy: “I peed on the carpet by the dining room table.”
Chip: “I thought that meant I could go, too, so I peed by the TV.”
Brandy: “Oh, so it’s my fault you peed next to the TV?!”
Chip: “Just sayin’.”
Aussie: “Look, her face is turning red and, wow, that’s a lot of paper towels there.”
Prue: “What in the world do you think it means when I put on your collar and leash and take you outside in the dark in my bare feet and nightgown at 11:30 at night? It means TAKE CARE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”
Brandy: “What’s she saying?”
Prue: “And then, what does Aussie do, first thing this morning? I take her outside and she does nothing, zero, zip, nada. Just sniffing and taking a sightseeing tour of the same spots she sees four times every fricking day of her life.”
Aussie: “I heard my name. I thought she was mad at you two.”
Brandy: “What’s ‘fricking?’ Uh oh. She’s getting more paper towels.”
Chip: “Here comes the lecture.”
Prue: “And now here I am trying to work and you all are looking at me like ‘I need to go out. When are we going out? Why can’t we go out?'”
Brandy: “Her voice changed on that last part.”
Chip: “That’s supposed to be us talking.”
Aussie. “Weird. I don’t remember saying anything.”
Prue: “I have zero sympathy for anyone too stupid to empty his bladder and bowels when he KNOWS that is specifically why he is being taken outside!”
Aussie: “We’re girls. She’s talking about you.”
Chip: “You wish. ‘He’ means all of us.”
Brandy: “That’s sexist.”
Aussie: “What does it mean when she puts her hands on her hips and her glasses slip down her nose?”
Prue: “You know what? You three can just deal with it. Clench those sphincters like we higher mammals have to and DEAL WITH IT!”
Aussie/Brandy/Chip: “What’s a sphincter?”
Prue: “Don’t you sass me!”
Chip: “She’s really ticked off.”
Brandy: “Is that like ‘cheesed off?’ Our people say ‘cheesed off.'”
Aussie/Chip: “Cheese? Where?”
Prue: “You think you call the shots around here? I don’t think so. You can’t just do your business whenever you are in the mood. It’s not like I’m here to be at your beck and call.”
Chip: “Silly woman.”
Long silence. Paper towels. Spray bottle. Trash can. Paper towels. Trash can.
Prue: “Move.”
Prue: “No.”
Prue. “Leave.”
Chip: “Uh oh. We’ve moved on to the seething one-syllable replies.”
Aussie: “What’s a syllable?”
Chip: “Now comes the silent treatment. Girls, it’s time to cue the adoring looks, and, go!”
Prue: “Aww hell. Where are my shoes?”
*Person Responsible for Ultimately Everything
