Adventures of Chip de ‘Ville (Happy Birthday to Me!)

Hello all. Chip here.

Despite my Magic Eye of Discernment & Sensitivity, there are some things I just don’t get.

Yesterday, Prue* took me to the doc’s. Never a good time for me, yet Prue insists on it, and even thanks the bipeds who poke, prod, and stab my fragile, adorable, and diminutive body.

(Am I setting a tone appropriate for the generation of maximum guilt? Good.)

Upon our return home, Prue unpacked a box of medicine, then compared it to a similar medication she’s been giving me each month for the past year.

And then, everything went really weird. Prue starts talking, rapidly, to herself, then grabs the phone and start jabbing, muttering, re-jabbing, etc., until she finds someone else to talk to. Before I turn around twice (which I often do before I settle in for a nap), she’s off the phone, sitting on the floor in the hall and looking like a doctor just jabbed her three times in the keister.

I’ve never seen her so unstrung. She looked awful and was making weird noises and her face was all wet. Assuming some sort of fit, I felt I needed to keep an eye on her … so to speak, so I joined her in the hall, gave her a cuddle and a coupla licks on the nose.

The next hour or so was slightly more normal, although she still sounded very odd and her face and nose were really red. I take a nice long nap followed by our usual mid-to-late-afternoon walk … my personal favorite ’cause it’s when I get to wallow in the warm grass … and before I know it, we’re back at the doc’s office.

Aww, hell no!

Another stick, more weird noises and a wet face from Prue … and we’re back home. It’s time for kibble, a Greenie, and all is right with the world.

And today … we had meatloaf!

Like I said, some things I just don’t get.

Later, Chip!

*Person Responsible for Ultimately Everything

(Editor’s note: Hi all. Prue here. Yesterday, I realized that since I adopted Chip almost exactly one year ago, the topical I’ve been giving him monthly did not include a heartworm preventative. Convinced that my stupidity had infected my dear friend with deadly parasites, I had a brief emotional breakdown. Some quick research, heartfelt virtual handholding from several Facebook friends and family, followed by an emergency on-site test by the amazing professionals at Johnson Animal Clinic, and I am relieved to announce that the Chipster is parasite free … and of course is now on the correct medication. Today, we celebrated his good health, and our first-year anniversary as a couple, with meatloaf. Also, because the humane society didn’t have a DOB on record when I adopted Chip, I’ve designated Sept. 14 as his birthday. The docs at the clinic estimate his age at 6. We thank each of you for following the Adventures of Chip de ‘Ville.)

Hi all. Chip here.

It’s the dog days of summer, so what better time to get back to the blog?

Prue* and I have been pretty busy, beginning with my first dental cleaning; rotating our presence around a few of Metro Louisville’s excellent parks; making two trips to the country to visit family; and finally an excellent production of Romeo and Juliet in Central Park by Kentucky Shakespeare.

I don’t remember a lot about the dental cleaning, but boy did I have a great dream! I was in a field of the softest Kentucky bluegrass ever. Half was in the sun and the other half was in shade so all I had to do was just roll over to warm or cool myself, accordingly. There was a never-ending row of posts to water, and I could have all the grilled meats and gooey cheese I wanted.

I awoke sans one tooth and with breath that, according to Prue, smells like nothing, which she says is a monumental improvement. Prue and I give major props to our vets at Johnson Animal Clinic for taking great care of me. All the vets are great but my personal favorite is Dr. Brian who refers to me as “Big Pup,” despite my diminutive stature. (The fact that I share this term of endearment with other canine clients in no way diminishes my affection for the dude.)

Prue’s “country cousins” do not currently own pets but they seem to like me OK, and they love grilled meats so I’d love to visit more often. Sometimes I get to go off leash, but I got into trouble once when I chased a geriatric beagle from the yard, across the street and into someone else’s yard. What can I say? The dog had a shifty look. Prue was concerned that, with the hound’s advanced age, I might have given him/her a coronary.

She prefers that I remain polite but aloof regarding strange canines, mostly because nearly every dog we meet weighs approximately twice as much as I do. I, on the other hand, reserve my fear and trepidation for the Blue Viper.

Sinister, isn’t it?

Why Prue brought this menace into our lives is beyond me. It’s a cunning reptile, posing most of the time as a retractable leash, but let the demon jump from Prue’s hand as we are walking and it transforms into a relentless pursuer intent upon injecting its venom into my ankles or backside. I have to admit, the thing terrifies me. Twice it has attempted to overtake me as I fled from its demon fangs. Prue has been forced to give me daily sedatives, cleverly disguised as Milk Bones, to keep me from fraying at the edges.

Such is the life of a dog.

If my prose seems a bit more dramatic than usual, blame the Bard. Kentucky Shakespeare welcomes pets to its performances in the parks, so our friend, “Auntie Brenda,” invited us to accompany her a few weeks ago to see Romeo & Juliet. It was a wonderful and unique performance. During the first act the cast wore traditional period costume. At the beginning of the second act, actors wore sort of a combination of period and contemporary dress. By the end of the play, everyone had transitioned to contemporary wardrobe.

In addition to being dog friendly, performances are free! Readers with well behaved doggies should take the opportunity to add some culture to their canine’s lives. Romeo & Juliet ends soon but the summer season extends to Aug. 12. (As a plus, Central Park has some enormous trees to sprinkle during intermission!)

Later, Chip

*Person Responsible for Ultimately Everything